Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 
About Me Member General Digital Photographer ladybard96Female/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 2 Years
Needs Premium Membership
Statistics 248 Deviations
768 Comments
2,955 Pageviews

Halloween Tips for Women

Wed Oct 21, 2009, 1:37 PM
  • Mood: Humor
  • Listening to: Jazz
Well, ladies, it's that time of year again. Stores offer piles of chocolate, kids knock on doors looking for candy, people put fake graveyards in their front yards and the body count raises. Yes, it's Halloween. A day for all the homicidal monsters and crazies to come out of the woodwork. As a frequent viewer of scary movies (and as a woman who takes her personal safety seriously) I'd like to offer a few observations that will help us (and the men we love) to stay safe this halloween.

1) If you have to travel alone, take an automotive repair course, keep your cel phone charged at all times and stash a pistol under the front seat. If you own a large, fierce-looking dog (such as a doberman or pit bull) so much the better. Just make sure his rabies shots are up to date.

2) If it's late, you're tired and a small motel pops up on the highway; roll down the windows, turn up the volume on the stereo, slap yourself awake and keep driving until you reach a Roadstar, Super 8, Holiday Inn or any other large chain motel (who are less likely to hire homicidal nutjobs).
2a) If possible, keep the pistol with you when you take a shower.

3) Raising the dead, for ANY reason, is a bad idea.

4) Dating vampires or werewolves, ditto.
4a) If your date doesn't like Italian restaurants or won't return your calls during a full moon, take this as a hint and move on.

5) High heels are very fashionable. They are also next to impossible to run or fight in.

6) Try to have a very sharp machete on you at all times. Beheading will kill damned near everything.

7) If you really, REALLY, absolutely, cannot help it, must enter that darkened room, make sure you have a weapon with you. A baseball bat, golf club or sharp kitchen knife will do but have something to protect yourself with. And for the love of whatever deity you choose to worship, MAKE SURE YOU'RE FULLY DRESSED!
7a) And yes, this includes running shoes.

deviantID

Devious Info

  • Current Residence: WI
  • Interests: Ren Faires, SCA, Jazz music, Mysteries, Science Fiction
  • Favourite movie: The Mouse that Roared, M*A*S*H, Star Wars, The Producers (the original w/ Zero Mostel)
  • Favourite band or musician: Styx, Steely Dan, Frank Zappa, The Wallflowers, Death Cab for Cutie
  • Favourite genre of music: Classic Rock, Jazz, Alternative Rock
  • Favourite artist: Vincent VanGogh
  • Favourite poet or writer: don marquis, Nora Roberts, Issac Asimov, Ann Rule, John Douglas
  • Favourite photographer: Jerry Hamilton
  • Favourite style of art: Photography
  • Operating System: Mac
  • MP3 player of choice: I-tunes
  • Favourite cartoon character: Pepe Le Pew, Lisa Simpson
  • Personal Quote: Impossible just means nobody's done it yet.
  • Tools of the Trade: Canon Powershot A620, Pen, Notebook, Word Processor

deviantART Community Board

[x]

Comments


:icongodsavethequeenfashi:
Thanks for the add!

--
Catherine L. Jones
Owner and Head Seamstress of
God Save the Queen Fashions, LLC
[link]
info @ godsavethequeenfashions.com
678-595-4161

Serving the costuming needs of the metro Atlanta area and beyond.
:iconladybard96:
Glad to. It's nice to see another BBW on dA, who seems comfortable in her own skin. And I truly love your designs, I'm thinking of commissioning you for a gown in a couple of years (my husband & I are planning a vows renewal for our 15 anniversary).

--
ladybard96

The camera doesn't make a bit of difference. All of them can record what you are seeing. But, you have to SEE.
Ernst Haas,
***************
My Gallery-
[link]
:iconhandyrand:
Thanks so much for the watch!
Take care

--
Why do it, if it isn't fun?
:iconstudio4496:
Appreciate the :+devwatch:

--
What you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. __Goethe
:icondafoodies:
Thanks so much for joining ~dAFoodies!

--
Thanks for participating! Don't forget to check out #dAFoodies!
:iconoperative274:
Thanks kindly :+fav:

--
- Power is nothing unless you know how to abuse it -
:iconlouriel:
:iconteddyplz::iconfaveplz:

:iconflowerdanceplz::iconfurrydanceplz::icondweebdanceplz::iconmonkeydanceplz:

:aww: :blowkiss: =] Thanks a million for the fave!! :hug: :D

:icontrampolinefunplz: Have a nice day! :iconcarameldansenplz:
:iconlouiseodier:
thanks a bunch for your fav on my kitty :rose:

--
If you love, love without reservation. If you fight, fight without fear. :)

=Palestine-Club
=No-More-Ignorance
:iconoperative274:
Thanks kindly! :+fav:

--
- Power is nothing unless you know how to abuse it -
:iconlironada:
Thanks for the fav :hug:

--
:spotlight-left:LiRoNaDa:spotlight-right:

Site Map